


Family Friends

by reptillian_paladin



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (the tree one yeah), Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, but then tries pushing evan away, jared has Issues too in this, jared tries to say a nice thing for once, post- good for you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-05 12:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11578440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reptillian_paladin/pseuds/reptillian_paladin
Summary: "Evan, we're famil-""Family friends! God, I get it, why did I even come here to apologize, it's not like we were ever 'real' friends, it's not like you were ever nice to me even once, so forget it!"---------------------------------In which Evan went to apologize after good for you and this time "family" was supposed to be the end of Jared's sentence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> god damn here i am again, i keep having ideas i can't get out of my head. try to catch me writing more than one thing for a single fandom tho

It was a few weeks into summer break and Jared Kleinman was sitting in his room. Debating whether to call. To text.

So much for deleting Evan's number. He still knows it by heart.

 _If he wanted to hear from you, he'd call you himself._ That sounded logical. Memories of graduation came back. Evan ignoring him and hanging out with Alana after. Which meant he made up with Alana. _He made up with anyone worth speaking to._ Jared sighed and put away his phone.

And this was his routine. Wake up, go to work, come back home and consider calling Evan, give up, mope and avoid sleep. Repeat.

But this time there was a knock at the front door.

His parents weren't home yet, so he sighed and got to his feet. _Probably some asshole trying to sell something._

He was shocked when he opened the door and Evan was standing there, playing with the bottom of his shirt.

"Evan?" Shit. Shit, shit, shit. _Isn't this what you wanted?_

"Jared! Hi, I- um- I'm s-" He looked up to look Jared in the eye and was distracted from whatever he was stumbling to say. "Have you been sleeping?"

"You haven't heard? Bags under the eyes are in, I'm just following trends here." Jared leaned against the doorframe. "But seriously, sleep is for the weak, so I don't do it."

"I'm pretty sure everyone needs sleep."

Jared waved a hand. "Did you come down here to be my mother or was there something else?"

Evan took a deep breath in and looked at the ground. "I came here because- I'm really sorry for the way I treated you the past- since Connor died. I roped you into those fake emails and you helped me and then I threw it in your face and threatened you with it later. And I totally ditched you too. I started blowing you off unless you had something for the Connor Project, and that- that wasn't acceptable. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to apologize. You're my friend and you didn't deserve any of that." He finally looked up again after his rushed speech.

 _Forgive him. Apologize for being an asshole to him since forever. Be nice, for once be fucking nice. Tell him what his friendship means to you._ "Evan, we're famil-"

Wrong choice. Jared saw anger flash in Evan's eyes before he cut him off.

"F-family friends! God, I get it, why did I even come here to apologize, it's not like we were ever 'real' friends, it's not like you were ever nice to me even once, so forget it!" He started to turn around.

Jared started reaching for his friend's arm. "Evan, come on, no, wait, I wasn't going to say-" His thoughts cut him off. _Maybe it's better to let him ditch you. Maybe he doesn't need a "friend" who is an asshole to everyone all the time._ Fuck. That option made more sense than fixing things and bringing Evan down just so he had someone to talk to. He suddenly lowered his arm and backed away from Evan.

"Nevermind, actually, you're totally right. That's what I was going to say. No reason to overreact and take back your apology, though."

Evan wasn't fazed by the frantic denial of what Jared was going to say. He figured he was going to make up some bullshit excuse so things would go back to normal.

What stopped him in his tracks was the sudden change into a cool, calm voice. Compared to the previous tone, it wasn't hard to guess which one was a calculated lie. He turned slowly.

"What were you going to say?" Evan furrowed his brows and tilted his head slightly.

 _You ruined it. He was almost free._ Jared bit his lip. "Exactly that. Leave. There's no reason for you to stay."

"Jared, this sounds stupid, but w-was 'family' the end of that sentence?" It was the only other thing that made sense, but he couldn't picture Jared saying that to him.

"It doesn't matter." He cleared his throat and hoped Evan didn't notice how his voice had cracked.

"It does matter. If you were taking this seriously and being- nice, then-"

"Big deal, I was nice all of once, whoop-dee-fucking-doo." He spun his finger for emphasis. "I'm still an unbearable asshole the other 99.9% of the time, so here's your opportunity to make like those trees you love so much and _leave_." He cringed inwardly when he saw Evan look hurt.

"Why do you want me to leave so much? I-if we're family?"

 _Tell him you hate him._ No, he didn't want to hurt him too much. _You'll hurt him more if he has to deal with you._ That might be true. _How about the truth? You don't deserve to have friends and Evan would be better off without you dragging him down._ No, Evan was too nice and would just pity him. That was the last thing he wanted.

"Stop calculating your answer! I can _see_ you thinking up excuses. I know there's a reason that made you change your mind so abruptly and you know what it is so just tell me!"

 _Avoid talking about it._ There. Found the best option.

"Drop it. Drop _me_." He slammed the door and turned the lock before sliding down a nearby wall.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck here i am again already what the hell i keep writing stuff
> 
> (also thanks so much to ppl who commented i love u)
> 
> this chapter has underage drinking and Angst
> 
> and suicidal idealation and discussion of suicide attempt (yeah the tree one)

It wasn't a minute before Jared heard the lock turning and the door opening. He lifted his head to look scandalized at Evan, who had just walked in.

"You do know we've had keys to each others houses since middle school?" Evan asked. When no response came, he jingled his keys in the air for emphasis. "Family friends?" He joked.

"You never use them. I thought you lost them. You always made me get the door when you came over." Jared made no move to get up.

Evan closed the door. "Hey, I used them when I had to feed your cat when you were on vacation! And when you're here I don't want to just barge in without knocking-"

"Hey Acorn, you just barged in without knocking." He stated dryly.

Evan went back to fiddling with his shirt. "Yeah, well that's- this is different, you just, apparently you said we were family and I cut you off and suddenly you're like, trying to get rid of me? And I can go- later- if that's what you want, but you seem like you're really upset, and-"

"I'm not upset."

Evan looked at Jared quickly. "Yeah well, you're curled up against a wall and hugging your knees to yourself, so..." He let his words drop off, his point made.

"This? To me, this is my 'perfectly content' sitting position." Jared tried to shift himself into _something_ that looked a tad more laid-back.

"Jared, come on, you've always listened to my problems and helped me and stuck around, even if that came with like, 15 layers of sarcasm, you never abandoned me, so whatever problems you have you can tell me, I'm not gonna- leave or anything. I owe you that."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Yeah, um, remember that apology thing a few minutes ago where I listed out how I messed up all that stuff and hurt you?"

"I deserved all that." A horrified look passed over Jared's face because he didn't mean to say that, but his mouth had run of its own accord.

Evan looked confused, and a little like a kicked puppy. He kneeled down in front of Jared and softened his voice. "You're saying you deserved to have me ignore you except when you were doing things for me, threaten to tell people about something you did to help me, and cut you off completely when you stopped doing what I wanted?"

Jared looked into Evan's eyes and wanted to just nod yes and go the most honest, least sarcastic route. But he ended up rolling his eyes. "Yeah, remember the literal years where I made sarcastic jokes and you would take them very personally and I just kept doing it? And how I told you we weren't real friends? If anything this just evened things out so now I'm _just a little_ worse than you." He laughed.

It didn't have the intended effect. God, he hoped that wasn't pity that was starting to form on Evan's face. 

"I mean, you made a lot of sarcastic jokes but I'm pretty sure you are made of pure sarcasm, so- I don't even know what you'd be without those. And they hurt sometimes but- I knew you were joking it's just-" He shrugged. "And when you said we weren't really friends? That really hurt, honestly, but it doesn't mean you deserved-"

"Alright, alright, enough sappy talk." He waved Evan off and started to stand up. "If you're going to continue to interrogate me I'm going to have to be at least somewhat drunk, I can tell you that much right now." He went to the kitchen and started digging into the proper cabinet under the counter. He came back with a bottle of rum. "Want some?"

"Aren't your parents going to be home soon?"

Jared shrugged. "Let them catch me. I'm dead inside." He laughed after but Evan was still slightly unnerved by the answer.

"We could- we could go to my place. My mom should be out all night."

"Your call dude." He threw back the bottle and took a few sips of rum.

"Yeah, we're going to my house. Come on, I'll drive, obviously." He took out his keys and gestured for Jared to follow him.

The ride started off quiet.

Not that Evan wanted it to be, but he really didn't like talking and driving. Or doing anything remotely distracting while driving.

He did make himself pull over once in the short drive to pull the drink out of Jared's hand and put it in the back. Jared crossed his arms.

"You were chugging it and wouldn't slow down when I asked nicely. I'm letting you get drunk, but I'm not going to let you get alcohol poisoning. "

"Oh, but it would be such a great way to avoid talking about feelings." Jared gave a dazed smile in Evan's direction, and Evan slightly narrowed his eyes in response.

"Can we not joke about things that could end in death?" He asked before pulling back onto the road.

"Awwwwwwww, man. Fine, but that's the most fun subject."

Evan didn't respond but his body tensed.

They eventually got to Evan's house and made their way to his room (Jared had to pee first). Jared plopped down face first onto Evan's bed. "You have a- really comfy bed." His voice was muffled by the sheets. "Wait, holy fuuuck." He rolled over so he could speak clearer. "If we're in your room, hanging out, are we friends again?"

"Yeah, we're- I think we're friends again, at least."

"Fuuuuuuuccckk." 

There it was again. "You- don't want to be my friend?" Evan tried to keep the hurt out of his voice.

"No. Yes, wait- no." His face scrunched up in confusion and he clicked his tongue a few times. "I'm saying no to not wanting to be your friend so I think that's the right answer. I do still want to- I want to be your friend."

"Why do you keep trying to avoid being friends, then?" Evan sat in his desk chair.

Jared smiled and sat up in the bed, propping himself against the headboard. "I don wanna mess shit up for everone and drag you down and bessides i don' deserve any friends with the way i act an-" His smile fell off his face. "Hey, I see your tricks you think that- you think you can jus- get me drunk and get information?"

"You got yourself drunk, Jared. You literally suggested it yourself."

"Fuck you're right. But- but- but, this isn't fair I can't be held account'ble for the secr'ts you get out of me now!" He was speaking a little louder than he probably realized.

Evan ignored this. "So you're pushing me away because you don't think you deserve any friends?"

"Fuck offffff Acorn boy."

"I just want to know-"

"Why do you caaaare?"

"I care because we're friends."

"So stop your being that an stop caring."

Evan rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed. "Hey, um- if I tell you a 'deep, dark secret' will you cooperate with me?"

"Evan I know that you fake best friended a dead boy what big bad secret could you posssibly have?" He wiggled his eyebrows mockingly.

"I- uh- I- remember when I broke my arm because-"

"You fell outta tree." He chuckled.

"Yes, um- I don't know if I should tell you this now, but- I didn't exactly. Fall. I- uh- let go. To die. I wanted to fall and die." His breathing picked up just telling him this.

Jared blinked. And again. He moved his mouth around a little before speaking. "I- fuck you're serious- sorry- I- thas terrible- sorrrr- water? I'm- need water? An' some time? Sorry, don't wanna- do thiss this drunk. Can we-"

"Yeah- uh- hang on." Evan got up out of his chair. "Sorry- I really shouldn't have told you-"

"M glad you told me, I jus' real-" He wiped his face with his hands. "Shit."

"I'm sorry I told you when you were this drunk, you- you don't have to say anything right now. I'll get you some water, don't do anything."

Evan was barely out of the room for a minute when he grabbed some water bottles out of the fridge, but when he came back Jared was crying. Jared Kleinman was rarely seen full-on crying, but here he was- eyes red, tears falling, snot coming out of his nose.

Evan's voice tried to be soft and soothing. "Jared-"

This only made him cry harder. "M Sorry, 'm sorrry, 'm sorry."

Evan uncapped a water bottle and held it up to the other boy. "Hey, hey, hey, that doesn't matter right now, just have some water, we can discuss it later."

"Thanks." He drank a whole bottle, then laid down in the bed, still sniffling.

"Take a nap. I'll be here." Evan sat back down and opened his laptop.

It was over an hour and a half before the boy stirred. "Gotta pee!" was the first thing he said before hurrying off. Evan chuckled.

When Jared finally came back he was pouting. "Ew. Ended up puking too. Nasty."

Evan looked up from his computer. "Don't chug rum, you're like, so tiny. You know this."

Jared nodded slowly. "I'm an idiot."

"How do you feel?" Evan passed him another water bottle.

Jared looked to be deep in thought as he opened it. "Pretty better." His nose crinkled at what he just said. "I think I can process things, I think." He started sipping the water.

"Do you- do you remember what I told you?" Honestly, Evan wasn't sure if he'd ever tell him again if he didn't remember it.

"Yeah you- wait holy shit, damn, you tried to kill yourself when you broke your arm?" He grimaced when Evan gave him a nod.

"Fuck, man, that's- you don't still feel like that, do you?"

Evan thought for a moment. "You know- I really don't. I've grown a lot in the past year and I don't see myself trying that again in the forseeable future."

"That's good. I mean it's still bad that it happened at all it probably wouldn't have happened if I was ever a halfway decent friend to you and I'm sorry I didn't even speak to you most of that summer and then I picked on you about the broken arm and-"

"It wasn't your fault. There were a lot of things and I just felt- so alone."

"So what you're saying is me not speaking to you didn't exactly help."

Evan sighed. "You didn't know. You were at your camp or whatever with your other friends."

Jared giggled. "No, turns out you were right about them last time! I didn't make any friends at camp, everyone hated me and then I made up friends to tell people about because I really truly am-" He lifted his hands in a finger gun gesture "-that pathetic."

"The- you're not- the point is you had your own stuff to worry about and a lot of stuff was going on and it's not your fault and it's over now and-" Evan took a deep breath. "And now it's your turn to seriously talk about your problems."

Jared cocked an eyebrow. "Did I agree to that? I don't remember agreeing to that."

"Come on, I just told you about my-" His voice slightly quieted "-suicide attempt so I think I've earned-"

"Hey, this isn't a 'I show you mine and you show me yours' situation."

"Jared, tell me what's wrong." Evan let his voice get a little whiny to tease the other boy.

"You're not my therapist." Jared took one of Evan's pillows and hid his face in it.

"Do you- wait, do you have a therapist?"

The pillow came back down. "No."

"Well then that's not a- you have to talk to someone."

"That's not true. I can internalize everything until I die."

There was a moment of silence before Evan thought of something. "But that'll make me really sad, that I can't help my friend." He started to pout and put a good attempt forth at getting his eyes to tear up.

"What are you even-" Jared looked at Evan. "Nooooo, that's really not fair that's beyond unfair stop that right now."

Evan threw in a chin wobble for emphasis. "Jared, why won't you talk to me?"

"Evan you know I'm not as cute as you! I have nothing to fight against this, you're- oh God stop I feel like I kicked a puppy."

"I feel like a kicked puppy." He was laying it on thick now, getting some tears to fall.

"Ugh, fuck you. Fine, I'll tell, just- stop that." He nervously looked away from Evan. "It's not like- that bad, I just feel like all I do is ruin everyone's life. And I don't bring anything to the table when I am friends with someone, I just talk about shit they don't even care about and try to pretend I'm cool and I end up being rude and sarcastic to them and by 'them' I mean you because you were the only person desperate enough to stick by me for any amount of time. And it hurt when you stopped talking to me. A part of me knew I deserved it and should be happy that you had real friends who don't constantly tear you down but the other part of me was really lonely and upset that you seemed to like Connor better than me, which is weird right, being jealous of a dead kid, but I don't know, I just realized in that time how useless I was to everyone."

He started picking at the sheets on the bed. "I mean, how bad do you have to be when the kid who preaches that 'no one deserves to be forgotten' decides to forget you exist? I'm watching you make up with every other person you fought with, and I don't know, I guess you figured out you were better off without me?"

"What? Jared, I took so long to forgive you because I assumed you didn't want to talk to me."

"Wait, what?"

"And Alana I needed to talk to for the Connor Project. My mom, well, lives with me and is my mom."

Jared pushed up his glasses and sighed. "That's fair, I guess."

"Why didn't you call me?" Evan asked.

Jared laughed. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me."

Evan laughed too. "We make a great pair. And I do enjoy having you as a friend."

"Ok, alright, but none of this happened, deal? As far as anyone else knows, I have no emotions, okay?"

"I know." Evan taunted.

"Can't you like, conveniently forget it?"

Evan clicked his tongue. "No, not really."

"Fine, but you're a dick."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know what the fuck is happening this story isnt going like. where i plan and it's Not Written Well but i think this is tge end? sorry

**Author's Note:**

> comment to donate to this supercool kickstarter called my self esteem 
> 
> also my tumblr is gavrockandroll if anyone wants to know


End file.
